hi. my name is crystal and im 21 years old. im not sure exactly what to write, but im not having the best night so maybe this will help. i have a lot of
problems. panic attacks, depression, bipolar, anxiety, schitzoeffective disorder. i started seeing what i call 'spirits' when i was 3 years old and i
have seen them my entire life. then when i was 14, after a series of tramatic events, i now have severe panic attacks. panic attacks where i start shaking, i
feel numb and.. well.. i feel like my legs are jelly. i feel like im about to die. death became an obsession for me. i dont leave the house unless made to and
i have no friends. the only social life i have is between family that i live with and chat rooms. im still terribly afraid of death. what happens when you die
and if its gonna hurt. but now i have a new obsession that hit out of left field. im am so scared that im gonna go crazy. legally insane or something. i feel
like my mind doesnt work like it used to. i dont feel myself anymore. even the feelings of things against my skin dont feel the same. please. is this normal??
trying to fix myself
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 babysea2003 |
trying to fix myself |
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Posts: 20 12/08/08 7:22 AM |
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LyssaStarchylde |
#1 | ||||
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Posts: 2532 12/08/08 8:00 AM Evil Twin Two :) |
Hi Crystal...first of all...welcome to OA...it's always nice to see a new face
 ...Sorry Daisy isn't here to welcome you personally but she's
having internet and offline issues that are keeping her from being here like she would like to...I'm Lyssa by the way *smiles*...
Now I'm not a therapist or shrink or anything like that whatsoever...but I don't think you are crazy or in any danger of going crazy...it sounds to me like you have been through a lot...and maybe this is just a reaction to that...if that makes any sense...trust me I know what it feels like to be out of control...it scares the hell completely out of you...plus I was recently diagnosed with bipolar myself...I'm still getting used to it...and there are times I just want to run like hell as far and as fast as I can... I think everyone worries about death and what it's like...so it's not that odd to do that...as long as you're not having any desire to commit suicide...something else I'm familiar with both from friends and my own attempts at it when I was younger...I'm a few years older than you (grins slightly at that)...if that is the case...please...please...please let your family know...it's hard to do that I know but it will help... Now I have a question for you...although I figure you probably are but humor me ok? *smiles gently*...are you seeing a doctor or professional for these feelings and stuff?...the reason I ask is cause like I said I'm not an expert on these things and I don't want to steer ya in the wrong direction if I can at all help it ...if you are on medications maybe you should talk to your doctor about changing them or adjusting em in some way...but don't go off
of them please!...that is never an answer no matter what you got going on as my own doctor lets me know occasionally...
I'm sorry if I'm doing a bad job at this or anything but usually Daisy handles this stuff much better than I do...but I don't think you are abnormal or insane or any of that...just somebody dealing with a lot of stuff and is scared..nothing wrong or nuts about that... And you have friends here...ok?...so drop by anytime...and hang in there ok?... |
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babysea2003 |
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Posts: 20 12/08/08 8:29 PM |
hi lyssa. thanks for replying |
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JB lil bear |
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Posts: 8520 12/08/08 8:51 PM
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Hi babysea, I'm lil bear, one of Daisy's mods here at OA.
I'm glad you found this board. This is the MOST supportive board I've ever been to online. Please, sit, find your comfy place, likes some herbal tea? I love herbal tea. I purposely get the kind without caffiene, seems better to me actually.
Fear of the unknown can cause anyone to fear going crazy. Gosh, I fear going too crazy. Even I mayself, I feel the need to remind myself and make my husband lovingly remind me too, to keep a possitive attitude. I really do know how difficult that can be. Possitively, I believe death isn't something to fear. I think my friend Lyssa gave you some great advice. I hope that you'll stick around OA for a while. Please, feel free to speak how you feel, you
won't be judged here.
Again, welcome.
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DaisyCares |
#4 | ||||
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Posts: 14122 12/09/08 5:33 AM Flower of Healing and founder of Open Arms. |
 to Open Arms, babysea. I'm Daisy, the founder of this support community. As Lyssa mentioned I have not been able to be online much lately due
to health problems and some other issues. Normally I would be here everyday, but that's not possible right now, sorry.
I'm glad you found this place, please make yourself at home. I was wondering... if you don't mind me asking. Why did they take you off the Prozac before? I noticed in your post that you said they put you 'back' on it. Were you having any bad side effects or anything when you were on it before? When did you notice your symptoms getting worse, and did you report the worsening of your symptoms to your health care provider? Sorry to sound so nosy but I was trying to rule out that you meds or some other new thing you may not have thought of might be the cause of you feeling worse. I may not be able to read your reply for a few days so please don't be discouraged from coming here, ok? You're welcome here, and Lil' Bear is right, you will not be judged. |
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babysea2003 |
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Posts: 20 12/09/08 6:22 AM |
hi daisy. wow everyone is so nice here
i was on prozac before, but when the doctor put me on the other stuff, he said to come off the prozac because prozac
isnt really meant for schitzoeffective disorder, so i went about 6 months without taking anything and i was doing good for a while there until about 3 months
ago a real bad panic attack hit out of nowhere and its like ive changed. almost as if the panic attacks started over again. im having to re-train myself and
everything and even the feelings i get with the attacks are different. i was fighting one for about 2 days but slowly the feelings started going away and right
now im ok. thank goodness. but, something you should know, my mom, grandmother, grandfather and brother have all taken over. forgive me please but i think
maybe its called 'conservatership'.. or something.. lol. but the reason they have taken over, and the reason they believe ive gotten so much worse, is
my boyfriend. hes very controlling, he doesnt understand, he even makes fun of me. his father was abusive and believe me, hes heading down that road fast. so
they took the phone away and the computer. the only place im allowed to go in this message board im not allowed to speak to him for a few days and i
understand. he was putting way too much added stress on me and it couldnt of helped me at all. im not some shackled up girl please dont think that lol they are
just tryin to help me get better, and i need it. i barely eat anymore though. when i do eat, which is maybe once a day, i get nauseated and only eat maybe 2
bites and thats been going on for a few days now. is that a symptom of anxiety/panic attacks or do you think it could be something else?
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DaisyCares |
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Posts: 14122 12/09/08 6:41 AM Flower of Healing and founder of Open Arms. |
Well I do know that nausea is one of the more common side effects of Prozac, but yes anxiety and panic can also definitely cause nausea and not wanting to eat.
I have anxiety and panic and when I have a panic attack the last thing I want to do is eat...plus I often will feel really sick to my stomach. How long have
you been back on the Prozac, and do you remember having any nausea when you were on it before?
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JB lil bear |
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Posts: 8520 12/09/08 9:50 AM
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Sounds to me your relatives made the right choice to help get that boyfriend distant. It's not worth it to be in contact with anyone
that only makes your health worse, or anything about you worse. I hope it has a positive effect on you.
How are you feeling today? |
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babysea2003 |
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Posts: 20 12/09/08 3:05 PM |
hey. im sorry for not saying hi yesterday lil bear. my mind was kinda off. im good today, kinda shaky but i think im still weak and just worn out from the past
2 days, other than that im good
. i actually feel like im here and not in a dream today. and daisy, i havent been on the prozac long. before when i was on it
though i dont recall any nausea. when the doctors put me back on it, i admit i didnt take it like i should. i thought 'why should i? its not meant for the
problem that i have anyway' but apparently i do need it lol seeing as how it seems to be helping. i think today is my 5th day taking it straight. i used to
skip days, probably why i wasnt getting better. i just dont like having to take something every day i guess. and my mind wanders so much that often i forget.
or i did until my family took over lol now they make sure i take it. i love it. no matter how close you are or how often you fight, in the end family always
has you to fall back on and i am so grateful. my grandmother told me yesterday that i am in for the fight of my life, and if you know me, you would know i take
that as a challenge. im a very strong girl who just happens to get knocked down from time to time lol. i think that everyone who suffers from anxiety and panic
attacks are stronger than most people can really imagine. we may not be able to lift a car lol but to us, we've lived through death. we've felt it and
just knew it was about to happen to us and i think thats one of the scariest things out there. i hope everybody here is having a good day today. i know how it
feels to have an off day. and remember.. god wont take us to what he cant get us through (one of my favorite quotes) my other favorite quote is.. when life
knocks you down to your knees, just remember, you're in the perfect position to pray
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JB lil bear |
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Posts: 8520 12/09/08 5:03 PM
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That's a great attitude you have.
I'm glad you're feeling better today.
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LyssaStarchylde |
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Posts: 2532 12/10/08 2:53 PM Evil Twin Two :) |
Hey Crystal...sorry I've not been here...but had some things that just wouldn't wait...like my Dad deciding he wanted to switch his recliner for a
couch...so spent yesterday waiting on the furniture to show up...
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I'm glad your familiy is there for you...that is always important...like I said last time I was recently diagonsed with bipolar...and it's caused some situations in my family that forced me to make some decisions I didn't want to but needed to...like who to keep and who to tell "Ya know if you ain't gonna help get the hell out" or words to that effect ...so I'm glad you have family to help you..and I agree with Lil about the boyfriend
situation...sounds like time away is good...my fiance JL who you will meet probably tomorrow if we survive the Christmas shopping crowds tomorrow *rolling eyes
sigh*...and I have had to do a lot of adjusting to my situtation so I know it's important to have someone who will support you and not tear ya apart...you
deserve that...don't let anyone tell you different ok?...
I'm also glad you are feeling better...been thinking about you a lot since you first posted...but as D and Lil will tell ya...I worry bout my friends more than I do myself...so just get used to it now ok? *grins*... My question is about the prozac...you said if I remember right...that the last time you were on it it didn't make you sick or anything...are you on anything else besides the prozac that you weren't on the first time you were on the prozac?...cause I'm thinking tha maybe it could be causing a cross reaction?...maybe interfering with the prozac?...if so you need to ask your doc about it...other than that I don't know ...my Dad was in medicine most
of my life but I'm so not good with the medspeak myself ...
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babysea2003 |
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Posts: 20 12/12/08 3:51 AM |
hey lyssa
im so sorry i havent been on. had some computer problems. thats funny about your dad. our recliner broke. the massage thing in it doesnt work
anymore. but its ok. it still sits pretty and we never used the massager anyway lol so why bother with it. i understand what you're saying about having to
make decisions. ive had to do it and i hate it because i dont like hurting people. i'd rather hurt than hurt anyone, but you have to do what it takes to
get better. and the prozac.. last time i was on that i was on the same thing i am now. prozac and xanax. but after doing a lot of thinking, i think that i may
have had or was on the verge of having a nervous/mental/emotional whatever breakdown and maybe thats why i was so bad off. because taking all the stress out of
my life has got me a little better. im not great or anything but im better. a lot better. i dont know if you would consider that a breakdown but to me it sure
felt like one. but how are you doing with the bipolar? you ok? i hope so. i hate to know my friends are suffering. so yea.. keep me updated on that
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JB lil bear |
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Posts: 8520 12/12/08 10:09 AM
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Removing stress from life is always a help. I'm glad you were able to do so.
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mariah26 |
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Posts: 1 12/13/08 10:25 AM |
Hi Crystal,
God Bless You! If you turn out to have panic attacks, there are many therapies that can help you overcome them. Calming drugs such as alprazolam can restore the normal brain chemical balance. Talk therapy with a mental health professional is an essential part of any panic attack programme. Therapists employ a technique called cognitive behaviour therapy. It uncovers any subconscious fears that can generate attacks, demonstrates the irrationality of such fears and teaches people relaxation techniques. Sometimes it entails exposing patients to situations that give rise to attacks. Quite often, patients can gain the upper hand over panic attacks in 12 to 16 weeks. |
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JB lil bear |
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Posts: 8520 12/13/08 10:40 AM
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Hi and
Mariah. I'm lil bear. Thanks for posting the info.
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DaisyCares |
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Posts: 14122 12/16/08 5:16 AM Flower of Healing and founder of Open Arms. |
Hi again Crystal.
I'm glad to hear that you feel the prozac is helping this time. Lil' Bear was right, you do sound like you have a good attitude. I
believe that will help you a lot in your journey of healing. How are you feeling today?
Hi there to you, as well, Mariah. Welcome to Open Arms. Thank you for your information. Do any of your links lead to pages that discuss Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? |
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LyssaStarchylde |
#16 | ||||
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Posts: 2532 12/16/08 12:50 PM Evil Twin Two :) |
Hi Crystal...don't worry...I'm doing pretty well...I got diagnosed with bp almost a year ago...*counts on fingers*...yep it'll be a year in March I
think
...I was first suspected to have it by my therapist when I was in my teens...more than a few years ago ...which freaked my folks out to the point
where I stopped seeing her...then a couple years ago or so I ran into her and she became my shrink again...she loves when I call her that since I'm shorter
than she is...she still thought it was an issue so I agreed to see a doctor who specializes in it...and turned out therapist was right...anyways...like I said
the hard part has been adjusting to it...plus I was dealing with my father and I being homeless...his health problems...and of course trying like sane to get
plans made for me and JL's wedding...but Dad and I just moved in to a new place...his health is getting better...so now if things at JL's work will
slow down a little more...maybe we can get the plans back under way..course I'm gonna knock on every piece of wood I can find...including my own
skull...though Dad says that's made of stone not wood ...anyway getting the bipolar thing thrown in the mix just made things that much
more....interesting shall we say......
The thing of it is...JL's never had any dealings with this...so we are both learning as we go...which leads to some frustration at times...mostly me with myself...but he knows I've always been like that so he's used to that part...my last manic phase was really interesting...I kept pacing the floor of the living room...and then I'd walk over and write stuff in a notebook I have on the kitchen table...read it the next day...I couldn't make heads or tails of it...I knew it was my writing...but I don't know what any of it meant or nothing...which is why when I'm UP as I call it...I don't go near my computer...cause Gods only know what would result ...
Although I kind of pissed JL off a few weeks ago...we were talking and I said something to the effect of if he ever got to feeling that this was just too much for him to deal with...and he wanted out...all he'd have to do is say so and I wouldn't hold it against him...oh that went over really well...he wasn't really angry more like confused and hurt that I would say that to him...but it wasn't that I'm trying to get rid of him or anything...Daisy and Lil can tell ya just how crazy about him I am...cause you get me started and we'll be here for oh a couple years *slight smile*...it's just I don't want him to ever feel like he's trapped or anything like that...I guess I just didn't explain it right the way I was thinking it...*runs hand thru hair and sighs*...oh well not the first time that ever happened... Hi Mariah...good to meet ya... |
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babysea2003 |
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Posts: 20 12/17/08 1:47 AM |
ok its been a while since i been here lol so here goes...
mariah, hi. its nice to meet you thank you for the links. i will definately check them out.
daisy, hi im ok right now, but earlier was a different story. i kept feeling shaky and i got tired all of a sudden. i was wide awake and then boom i just
wanted to sleep. i hate that lol. how are you doing?
lyssa, JL sounds like a pretty great guy. my boyfriend is trying to learn about all this too, although i must admit he could go about it in a better way. he sometimes comes off as being a little know it all lol. but im like you, i worry he feels trapped. im scared hes gonna wake up one day and think 'i dont have to do this. i dont have to put up with this. its not my problem' but like JL, he doesnt take to kindly when i say something about him wanting out because of it. he says he loves me and wants to be with me forever.. i guess we'll see huh? but for now im just gonna hold on i guess... |
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JB lil bear |
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Posts: 8520 12/17/08 7:07 PM
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It's hard to find good men that want to stick it through, so it's a blessing.
My husband is very kind to me in my most depressive
states.
Are you feeling better since your shaky moments? |
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babysea2003 |
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Posts: 20 12/19/08 7:09 AM |
yea im feeling better. im starting to think it was something else though. something else that set me off like that. something other than the stress. gosh i
hope this doesnt get around to my family somehow, but... i think i was pregnant. i think i had a miscarriage. i think my body was reacting to it in the wrong
way. right after i had the.. 'miscarriage'.. i started feeling better. does that make any sense to anybody?
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JB lil bear |
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Posts: 8520 12/19/08 8:17 PM
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Yeah, that could make a lot of sense. A lot goes on during that kind of thing. Did you have any idea you could be pregnant?
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